I feel I owe my blog an apology…I have abandoned you for an unprecedented amount of time. My level of happiness is directly correlated to how much I write in this blog. Directly. So, the last few weeks without you have been a meaningless collection of hours. Finals approach, and since drinking large amounts of alcohol is not a productive way to get rid of stress, or a good thing to do in general, I am writing in my blog. Writing that isn’t assigned is the best. I have a 12-15 page paper due, in a class I really need to improve in, but I consider writing in my blog right now as more important. I really didn’t see the importance of a creative outlet until recently. When all you do is study and hang out and study and watch movies and sleep, life get’s pretty pointless. You study to get better grades to feel better about your self-worth, you party to “release” stress, you go through all the motions, but do you still feel unfulfilled? I am not saying what we learn here in college is meaningless. However, I have come to realize that it really takes effort on our part to bring meaning into our lives. You have to create meaning for your life. That can be through painting, writing bad poetry, reading good poetry, really listening to an amazing song, or standing in your room as the sun disappears. Or maybe through writing some brilliant math proof, or learning all the constellations. To find meaning, we have to take part in creation or at least revel in it. Maybe take some breaks during your studying in the next two weeks to do these things, and when you get back to your history and theories, it will actually mean something.
Tag Archive: studying
a frightening ostrich
I used to think I was pretty smart. In the old days, two and a half years ago, I had finished applying to college. I was on top of the world. High school was not overly challenging for me. I took a lot of APs, but I never had to work too hard. I always put in a lot of effort, but not enough to, like, stress me out. Yeah, I was cocky. I remember studying AP Art History and thinking, Damn! I am just a natural at this. I loved learning and if I wanted an A I got it. I felt pretty smart when I got into every college I applied to (except Harvard, minor detail). I rolled into college on the wave of my acceptances and the attitude I had had since the first grade. You are one of the smart ones. You may not have popularity, or mad gymnastics skills, or ever been on Junior Jeopardy, but you are smart; always have been, always will be. The first semester of college was fine, because I took a lot of humanities. I could basically pull papers out of my ass. Then second semester hit. And that was when college made me its bitch. Science was actually HARD in college. WHAT? I had to study, even after I did not want to study??? I could actually get a C??? WHAT?!?!?!? A combination of Organic Chem, Physics, and Calc 2 made my life miserable. I had to actually study my ass off. And then sophomore year came, with delightful Orgo 2, physics 2, gen chem 2, etc. I recently switched my major from Biochem to NeuroPhys when I realized I was shit at Gen Chem. With the beginning of my junior year, I have changed my attitude. I can no longer assume I will do well. I have to struggle with everyone else. And if I am not good enough, I will drink enough energy drinks and pee to mark my territory in the library until I am. Univ. of MD and I have a love/hate relationship. I hate that it is so cold, that everyone has their guards up every second. But, I love it sometimes. Cause guess what? Junior year will be my bitch!
